~To The One I Loved for More Than A Year~

You probably think I never loved you...

Finally... Exams are over...

Finally... I have time for myself...

I've been controlling myself so hard not to think about us...

I would be lying to say I don't miss you...

For more than a year... You were in my life...

The story started sweet... very sweet...

You made me fell for you...

Made me believed that finally I have someone to rely on...

Someone who will be there for me when I need a shoulder...

Someone who will give me warmth when I'm in the coldest winter...

Someone who will treasure me...

I was really tired...

Tired for being independent all the time...

Tired for carrying the weight on my shoulder...

And you came the right time...

And so... You told me...

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I will help you achieve 3.5...

You will not regret choosing me...

You are the best I've ever had...

My love for you is greater than anything my life...

If i lose you, I will never find someone better and it will be the biggest mistake in my life...

I can't live without you...

Many more....

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Memories...

Waited for you to finish your training...

Went to the hospital with you...

Waited at the monorail station for more than an hour just so i can spend our Valentine's together...

I miss your hugs...

I miss your smell...

I miss your kiss...

I'm not a computer... I can't delete and backspace with one click...

You said no one trust you anymore because of that email...

Who am I then?

You made me fell in love with you and you slashed me again and again with a blunt knife...

I was half alive...

I couldn't breathe...

I couldn't sleep...

I couldn't eat...

My heartbeat was so fast that I thought I'm gonna die...

I even went to the hospital...

I gave myself a false hope... I lied to myself...

I didn't know what to trust anymore...

All those things you said to me... Did you mean it?

You said you will not get yourself in another relationship after me as you don't want to hurt anyone anymore...

But I know... Deep down you fell for her...

I blamed myself...

I wasn't good enough...

At first you told me i'm your type...

And yet after a year you told me I'm not...

You said you'll never hurt me...

And you scolded me for her...

Bitch... F*** you...

That was what you scolded me...

All the mean words you said to me...

You even scolded my friends for protecting me...

Because of you, I couldn't step into the library... The place where we first hold hands...

Now... Its a place for you and her...

Everywhere I go I think of you...

I was naive... I begged for another chance for us...

Yes... I begged...

And all you wanted in return was intimacy...

The kind of intimacy that I'm not prepared to give...

One hour...

You asked it from me for one whole hour...

And the next day you said it was just a test...

What is the reality?

All you wanted was just that?

A part of me tells me that you love me...

That you did this for me...

I guess I'm really stupid...

She is the reality...

You broke me into pieces for so many times and I had to pick the pieces up and patch it back by myself...

Seeing you messaging her in front of me...

You asking me to give you a chance to try out with her when we were still together...

You telling me that she is not your type...

You telling me that you like her...

I knew you love her...

You denied it...

It wasn't hard to see...

I've been with you for more than a year...

You said you lost the sweetness...

No. You didn't.

You were sweet when we started...

And you were sweet with her...

You have no idea how long I cried for you...

I dreamt of you almost every night...

And I couldn't sleep because of you...

And I know...

You will be with her...

The image of you and her just kept popping up in my head...

And I guess I meant nothing to you...

To you... Its all my fault...

You said I'm not suitable as your girlfriend...

Yet you said I'm your everything...

You said you don't deserve me...

I know...

I was wrong...

I could have be more gentle...

Happier...

Sweeter...

Girlier...

Many more...

I was... You know it too...

I loved you...

And all I wanted was to make us work...

I wanted to bring the best out of you...

To let people see that you are not the person that the email claimed you are...

And now...

I'm trying my best to eliminate all the sad memories...

Leaving the happy ones we had in me...

千千万万个“我爱你”，换来的是现在的空虚。。。

However... I thank you for making me stronger...

Thank you for all the things you did for me...

It takes time to heal but I know I can do it...

It will leave a scar but that is what makes me tougher...

And to you... Stop breaking hearts...

Stop making promises that you end up forgetting...

Treat the one you love with all your heart...

Don't simply say "I love you" cause you never know how much those three words mean to the girl...

Appreciate her cause you never know the one that you let go might just be the one and only for you...

No one deserves to be in the position that I was in...

The grief...

The pain...

If I was any weaker, I might even made it to the newspaper...

And thank you to my friends and family...

Everyone who was there when I shed my tears...

I love you guys and I'm lucky to have all of you...

I did...

I did love you...